


Doubts

by Shaes_bae



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Insecure Castiel, Insecure Dean, Jealous Castiel, Jealousy, M/M, Possessive Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 20:56:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7522831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaes_bae/pseuds/Shaes_bae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas's old friend Balthazar is in town and he wants to meet up for drinks. Dean offers to tag along and Cas sees no downside to bringing him until he sees just how interested Balthazar is in Dean. </p><p>Prompt: "Balthazar is flirting with Dean and Cas gets jealous."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doubts

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first ever published work so please feel free to give me some constructive criticism but try to be nice about it! 
> 
> This is written for the amazing superwhoolockk and I hope you all enjoy!

"Where you goin'?"

Cas stopped in the middle of checking his hair in the mirror. It was no use really, no matter what he did it still looked like "sex hair" as Dean would call it. The man in question was leaning in the doorway, a small smile on his lips as he looked at Cas. 

"My old friend is in town and he wanted to catch up," Cas responds tiredly.

"Well you don't seem very excited," Dean pointed out.

Cas sighed, giving up on his hair. "I like him but...he can be a handful sometimes. And he's very fond of flirting with people so more often than not, he abandons me in the pursuit of intercourse before the night is over."

Dean took a few steps forward and reached up to help Cas with his hair. He was so close now that Cas could see all his freckles and feel his breath on his face. His eyes were automatically drawn towards his lips. Dean had some of the most beautiful lips Cas had ever seen. They were pink and so plump that Cas just wanted to cover them with his own. 

No. He needs to stop thinking like this. Dean is his friend and he's straight. Dean seemed to be okay with Cas's sexuality but that doesn't mean he would be okay with having it directed towards him. Although it was hard to think about anything when Dean had his fingers running through his hair. Cas could see Dean's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

"There. Don't think I actually made it any better, your hair's a lost cause, dude." Dean said laughing, his eyes now looking into Cas's. His eyes were so green, contrasted beautifully against his tan skin and dark blond hair. They held such mirth but the lines in the corners showed how much this man had been through. He was worn and tough but still manged to look so soft in moments like these. Cas loved him. 

"I could go with you, y'know," Dean said, bringing Cas back from his thoughts, "in case he leaves you again. I'll be there and we could just hang out for the rest of the night." Dean was looking down at their feet now, avoiding Cas's gaze.

Cas put a hand on his shoulder, making the other man look up. "That's a great idea, Dean. Thank you."

"Okay. Good" Dean said awkwardly, a hint of redness spreading over his cheeks. Eventually Dean cleared his throat and backed away from Cas. "I should go. Get changed," he said as he was backing away, accidentally bumping into the wall next to the doorway. Rubbing the back of his head and with a bright red face, Dean managed to walk into his room without any more accidents.

 

***

 

"Hello Cassie," Balthazar said, approaching him with a smile.

"Balthazar." Cas got up from the booth him and Dean were sitting in to give him a hug. They were at a small bar. It was called the roadhouse and was one of Cas and Dean's favorite places in the town. 

"Now who is this handsome man you've got with you, Cassie? Care to introduce us," Balthazar inquired. His gaze was locked on Dean. 

"He's my friend," Cas said sternly, giving his old friend a hard look, "and he's straight." 

"Uh, Cas. Actually..." Dean started. He was looking a bit nervous now. "I'm bisexual."

Cas just stared at Dean for a moment, his mind completely shutting down and working at maximum power all at once. Dean? Bi? Which means he's interested in the same sex. Which means he could be interested in Cas. It felt like his whole world was changing but neither Dean nor Balthazar seemed to notice. 

"So what's your name, darling?" Balthazar asked. Dean introduced himself with a smile, moving over so that Balthazar could sit down with them. Dean is bi. Which also means that he could be interested in Balthazar. Still in shock, Cas decides he needs to escape. 

"I...have to go to the bathroom", Castiel lies and rushes off. He can't believe this. Of course Dean had been with other people during their time living together and of course Cas had been jealous but this was different. Cas had thought that there would be no way that Dean could feel the same way so he had given up. He'd accepted that it was a one sided crush. But now that he knew that there was a chance, that there had always been a chance for Dean to share Cas's feelings it was overwhelming. Then the rejection hit him. If Dean, one of the flirtiest and most outgoing people he knew, had a crush on him surely he would have made his move already. Fuck. He splashes his face with cold water, dries it off with some paper towels and then goes back out to his friends.

 

***

 

"I have to go to the bathroom"

Dean looks up to see Cas walk away from their table at a fast pace. What was up with him?

"So Dean, what are you going to do about that?"

"Huh?" Dean looked back at Balthazar who was looking at him. He looked impressed. "What do you mean?", Dean asked, taking a sip of his beer.

"Well it's ridiculously obvious that Cassie has a huge crush on you." Dean choked on his beer. 

"WHAT?" Dean started hyperventilating. 

"Woah there calm down", Balthazar said, looking a bit scared. "I didn't mean to freak you out!" 

Cas? Cas liked him? That can't be real, Balthazar must be playing some game with him. Dean was damaged. No one ever wanted anything more from him than a quick lay. Cas knew everything about what he'd been through, there's no way he would want him after all that. Dean had given up the hope for that as quickly as it had come. He was damaged goods and Cas knew that.

"No. Dude there's no way Cas would be into me."

"Are you into him?"

Dean blushes "Well, yeah but-"

"Then why not? You're extremely sexy" Balthazar said as if it was an obvious fact "And did you not see him freak out when you told him about your sexuality?"

"Well the guy is always acting weird..."

"When I first saw you two, Cas was looking at you with such dreamy heart eyes that I wanted to vomit." 

Dean remained silent.

"Well if you don't believe me, let's try something"

 

***

 

He looks over to where Balthazar has put his arm on the back of the booth behind Dean, his whole body angled towards him. But that wasn't the worst part. Dean was angling in his body too. The two were sitting too close for Cas's comfort. When Cas came closer he could see Balthazar leaning down and whispering something in Dean's ear. The cold sadness Cas had been feeling before was now exchanged with a burning rage. Cas won't stand by watching Balthazar flirting with his Dean. Cas had during their time as roommates from time to time been forced to endure the nights when Dean brought someone home with him. Cas's headphones shut out the sounds of moans and high pitched giggles, even though the thoughts still haunted him during the whole night. The girls were always gone come morning and they both pretended nothing had happened. This would be so much worse. When Dean brought home girls, of course it hurt but... He could still accept it. He accepted that there was no chance it would ever be him. But if Dean took Balthazar home first of all, unlike the girls, he wouldn't leave before Cas got up. He would be sitting there on the couch that belonged to Cas and Dean and probably tell Cas everything about the night. Second, Cas wouldn't be able to stop thinking that this time it actually could have been him. He could be the one touching Dean, the one looking into his eyes as they both climaxed. Castiel shook his head in an attempt to clear his thoughts. He was not going to let this happen. With new focus he stormed over to the booth where they were seated and sat down. When the other two didn't acknowledge his arrival he desperately tried to come up with some way to make Dean focus his attention on him instead. 

"I have returned" Cas cringed at his own words. Living with Dean had helped his social skills but sometimes it was just enough so that he knew that what he said was wrong but not what he was supposed to say. 

"Well hello Cassie", Balthazar said. Moving so that he could face Cas but now with his hand on the back of Dean's neck, stroking the hairs there. Cas clenched his jaw at the sight, having a hard time not letting his jealousy show. 

 

There was an awkward silence as they all just sat there before Dean cleared his throat. 

"I'm gonna get some more drinks, you want any?" Cas and Balthazar both gave their orders and Dean got up and walked over to the bar. 

"Somebody's jealous", Balthazar quipped with an amused smile on his face.

"I'm not jealous!" Cas tried desperately.

"Well if you're not jealous you won't mind me flirting with him, yeah? He's really gorgeous isn't he?"

Castiel had no chance to respond before Dean returned to their booth, drinks in his hands. 

"Here you go" Dean said as he struggled to put their beverages on the table.

Cas started to reach over so that he could help him but Balthazar beat him to it, leaving Cas with outstretched arms that he awkwardly drew back to his sides. 

As Dean sat back down, Balthazar put his arm around his shoulders and the two of them started talking again. 

 

Cas's resolve started to fade. His two friends were getting along so well, conversation comfortably flowing. Most of the time him and Dean's conversations ended up with him saying something strange or the two of them just staring at each other for a long time without saying anything. Who was Castiel kidding? Dean would be much better off with Balthazar. Balthazar wouldn't say strange things. He would understand Dean's pop culture references. Balthazar was normal, just like Dean. Cas knew that he was weird, even his name was weird! How could someone like Dean ever want to be with a weirdo like Castiel?

Cas started to realise that he had no chance with his freckled friend. The realisation made his chest ache. He silently sat and watched as the other two men talked about some television show Cas didn't watch. Eventually he felt like he had enough and decided to leave. Sometimes he had to suffer through Dean flirting with other people but he was not going to withstand this much longer. He had a choice. And he chose himself. Staying around Dean was only going to make him feel even worse, it would be much better to just get up and leave. Go home, drink some tea, read a book. The bar scene had never been his thing anyway. Not wanting to draw attention to himself, Cas stood up and quickly left the table. 

After pushing through the crowds of people, Cas finally made it outside and took a big breath of fresh air. 

He stopped for a moment, just breathing in the cold night air and closing his eyes in an attempt to get his emotions under control. Just as he was walking away, he could hear the doors of the bar open and close. 

"Cas?" It was Dean. "Hey man where are you going?" He said as he caught up with him, a hand landing on Cas's shoulder. Cas shrugged it off and continued walking. 

"Home", he replied curtly. 

"Why, Cas? What's going on?" Dean sounded really concerned now but for Cas, that was the last straw. 

"Cas? Why are-"

"Why?" Cas snaps. He finally stops and turns around. He stops so abruptly that Dean almost crashes into him. "Do you really want to know why?" He is pissed now, years of pent up frustration finally bursting free. "Because I am done watching you flirt with other people." Cas starts moving closer to Dean. "I am done listening to you have sex with strangers all the time." Dean is slowly walking backwards as Cas nears him, his back eventually coming into contact with the wall of a building that was lining the street. "I am done with them not being me", Cas growls out before he realises what he just said. He can feel his shoulders draw up and his head bow down slightly, avoiding to look at Dean. "I...I'm sorry Dean. I shouldn't have said that. I know you don't feel the same way so if you want, I can look for a new place. Just...please don't hate me...", Cas pleaded. He finally dared to look up and Dean's green eyes are wide in shock. 

"Fuck. Balthazar was right."

"Wha-" Cas didn't get to finish before Dean had grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him forward to crash their lips together. Maybe a bit too forcefully.

"Oww. Fuck." Dean said as he drew back. The attempted kiss had been more of their teeth painfully smacking together. Dean held a hand against his own mouth. "Damn it why did I do that?", Dean asked himself. Cas didn't know what to do. Dean kissed him. Dean is also hurting. But he kissed him. What does it mean? And what had Dean said about Balthazar? Cas could feel his brow furrow. He had no idea what to do. Dean looked up at Cas and once he saw the expression on the other mans face he burst out in laughter. 

"Wow. This is just...wow." Dean stopped laughing but he still had a huge grin on his face. "I finally got to kiss you" Dean said in a wondrous voice. That put a halt to Cas's thoughts. 

"Finally?"

"Yeah, Cas I've had a crush on you almost since the day I met you. Do you even had any idea just how hot you actually are? Walking around with your sex hair and those lips.. They're just so..." Dean trailed off when Cas interrupted him by sliding a hand to his neck and moving their faces closer so that their lips were only two inches apart. They looked into each other's eyes for a while. Just looking, searching. After what felt like an eternity, but what was probably less than a minute, Cas closed his eyes and tenderly pressed his lips to Dean's. 

Dean responded to the kiss by putting his arms around Cas's neck and deepening the kiss. With a growl Cas pushed Dean up against the brick wall again, leaning his body into Dean's so that he could touch as much of him as possible. Cas brain felt fuzzy and the only things he could register were the beautiful noises Dean was making and the feeling of their bodies and tongues moving against each other. 

"Been fantasising about this," Dean said as they broke away for air. Cas moved on to kissing his neck, both of his hands possessively on Dean's hips. "About you kissing me like this." Cas nipped at his neck with his teeth, drawing out a surprised moan from Dean. "I don't know how you did it... How you sat there in your room every night I took someone home." Cas started to alternate between gentle kisses, tiny bites and sucking the skin on his neck. "Just the thought of you taking another man home to our apartment... Would've kicked the poor guy out," Dean said, chuckling lightly. 

Cas broke away from making tiny marks on Dean's neck and looked him in the eyes. "Well that is in the past now," Cas said, raising a hand up to cup Dean's cheek. "If that's what you want." 

"Yes Cas, I'm all yours."

"Mine. I like that."

After a final kiss Dean sighs and breaks up the kiss, leaning their foreheads together. "Let's go home Cas."

And so they did, walking hand in hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, I'm thinking about adding another part to this if I have the time but meanwhile, drop a comment or seek me out on tumblr: http://insertbottomdeanpunhere.tumblr.com/


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